How to Improve A Relationship… By Changing You

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Last Updated on November 20, 2023 by Bill Truby

If you are alive on this planet – you are in relationships. Some intimate. Some necessary. Some wanted. And, clearly, some NOT wanted, or at least uncomfortable. And that’s what this article is focused on.

How about you? Don’t like the way the people around you act? Wondering how to improve a relationship?

Following is the answer, and thankfully, it is rather simple…

Achieve Better Relationships by Changing You

In the Bible, Solomon said, “He will have friends who shows himself friendly.” (Proverbs 18:24). A simple statement, but it’s an arrow straight to the heart of people who complain about everyone else. It’s telling them that THEY are the problem, not their “bad friends.”

Translation: Want to have a great friend? BE a great friend! If you DON’T have great friends, well….

It applies to all other aspects of our life too…

Want to have a wonderful, loving spouse? Be a wonderful, loving spouse.

Want to have a great employee? Be a great employer.

And so it goes for every relationship in your life.

But, let’s look at the dark side of this little equation. If you DON’T have a good friend…. A person says, “It CAN’T be ME! They’re the ones who act badly!”

Not so fast.

It’s been shown; if you have people in your life that act out in ways you don’t like, it’s probably YOU that allows, tolerates, and maybe even perpetuates their behavior. You might even be the cause it.

Joann, my co-founder of Truby Achievements, finds this true all the time in her executive coaching. Though it is usually a blind spot, the problems team leaders have with their employees are often allowed, tolerated, perpetuated, or caused by that leader/manager. (There are those four words again – “allow, tolerate, perpetuate and cause”).

So… How Do I Change?

The answer to “allowing or tolerating” negative behavior is to begin having clear communication and/or to set boundaries.

The answer to “perpetuating or causing” unwanted behavior is an honest evaluation of YOUR behavior (which often has to be done by someone else, since we can’t see our own blind spots).

In any case, notice who is doing the changing?

Here’s the deal. Want to change those around you? Change YOU.

Through open communication, setting boundaries, or making changes that come from self-evaluation, you will change those around you…or help them move on down the road.

Unexpected Lessons from Michael Jackson

Life is a dance with others. YOU change your step, and they have to change theirs. It can’t be otherwise.

It looks like Michael Jackson had it right in his song, “Man in the Mirror“…

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer, if you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change!”

Those who don’t do this, and keep complaining about everyone else around them, are doing his “Moon Walk”.  It looks like they’re going forward, but they’re not. They’re really going backward.

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