Relative Deprivation (A Nudge about Achieving Greater Happiness)

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Last Updated on November 18, 2024 by Bill Truby

Want to feel better about something? Just look a little further away, and you probably will.

Achieve Greater Happiness by Looking at a Bigger, Broader Comparison Sample

Did you know that the happiest places on earth have the most suicides? It’s true. Research conducted at the UK’s University of Warwick, Hamilton College in New York, and the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco shows that places like Denmark, Switzerland, Iceland, and other Scandinavian countries score the highest on being the happiest places to live. HOWEVER, they score highest on suicide rates, too.

Individual states can be the same. Utah and Hawaii, states ranked among the highest in happiness and satisfaction, are also ranked in the top states for most suicides. On the other hand, New Jersey, ranked near the bottom in happiness, has one of the lowest suicide rates in the country. What’s happening?

It’s because of something called “relative deprivation.” Everyone experiences it. When you are “deprived” of anything – happiness, health, wealth, or anything else – you compare yourself “relative” to that which is closest to you. You don’t look at your situation objectively or in a bigger picture. You look left, you look right…and that determines how you feel.

So, why are there so many suicides in a happy country? Well…feeling sad in one of the happiest places in the world, like Denmark where everyone has a smile on their face, feels much worse than feeling unhappy in New Jersey, where everyone else feels the same way, too.

Relative deprivation can cause other unfortunate losses than suicides. For example, at MIT and other schools of brainiac-ed-ness, brilliant students can drop out of difficult science or physics programs because they FEEL dumb, not because they ARE dumb.

Research showed that EVERY dropout, every student who became discouraged, saying, “I guess I just don’t have what it takes,” every young promising, talented, potential genius who dropped out, saying, “I don’t have the same gift those other students do,” EVERY dropout at MIT had a HIGHER scholarly rating than the top students in the top science programs of other schools. The MIT dropouts dropped out because of how they felt, not because of how they were really doing. What a loss!

Studies show we do this in just about every area of life. How much money we make (or should be making), how we look, how much we weigh, how our company is doing, how much vacation time we have, whether we have the right mate, how many kids we should have…AND our very happiness, all are driven by relative deprivation – what do I have compared to those around me.

How sad is it that a death, a diet, or a state of discouragement can be caused by not looking far enough for the truth? Sadder still is the fact that relative deprivation causes other people to be in control of our life. The solution? Start comparing your well-being with a broader perspective. Better still…how about CHOOSING what you want, then compare THAT with what you have. You do that, and you are in control. You’ll feel better, AND if you don’t like how things are, YOU can change them.

I’m glad we had this little talk. I shudder to think about what could have happened if you felt bad because you stubbed your toe at Disneyland. It is, after all, the happiest place on earth.

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This article is part of our ongoing Achievement Nudge series—short, witty, and often inspirational articles to spark your personal and professional growth. Explore more nudges on our blog, or sign up for our weekly Nudge and News email. Each edition includes an Achievement Nudge plus leadership, professional development, and personal growth videos and articles to keep you inspired and on track.

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