Can’t Complain (Truby Achievements Nudge)

If something you don’t like occurs for more than a couple of weeks, you really can’t complain about it anymore. The reason? I’ll tell you, but you may not like it…YOU’RE the problem!

Over the past forty-plus years of working with people, I’ve heard them complain. A manager complains about staff, “They’re always late to meetings.” When I ask how long it’s been going on, the manager replies, “For years!”

A wife complains about her husband, “He never puts things in the dishwasher…ever!” When I ask how long he has never put things in the dishwasher, she’ll say, “Our entire marriage. 22 years!!!”

A person complains about a friend, “I can NEVER count on her to follow through on anything!” I’ll ask how long this has been going on, and the answer is, “All of our lives!”

What’s wrong with this picture? Well…you get what you put up with. So…YOU are behind the issue of YOUR complaints. At the end of the day, complaining does no good. And, it’s a fact: You get what you allow.

If you have been complaining about something that’s been happening for a while, you’re wasting energy. AND, you’re perpetuating the problem by not dealing with the behavior about which you are complaining. I know, I know…that puts the responsibility squarely on your shoulders, and you may not like it…but to believe otherwise gives away your power to the person about whom you are complaining.

People with personal power DON’T put up with negative behavior, then just complain about it. Instead they do one of three things: Fix it, accept it, or move away from the person with the negative behavior. If you’re a complainer, take back your personal power, then use it to appropriately deal with that about which you are complaining.

1. Fix the behavior. If you are in the “power” role, like a manager, remember, you get what you allow. If you are complaining about behavior that has been occurring for more than a couple of weeks – YOU are the problem. Fix the behavior. If you can’t, move on to the next solution(s).
2. Accept the behavior. If a person exhibits behavior you don’t like, but you’re putting up with it, then you’re the problem. If you’re going to put up with the behavior, accept the behavior. Don’t waste another ounce of energy complaining about it. A third approach is…
3. Move away from the person with the behavior. If the behavior is truly damaging, and you can’t fix it, and you can’t accept it; move away from it. Disengage. A leader can fire the staff person or you can end a relationship. The truth is, if the negative behavior is serious enough to deal with and you can’t fix it or accept it, it’s no longer a behavior problem, it’s a person problem. That’s when you disengage by removing you from the picture…or them.

Now, here’s a way to be reminded of this Nudge. When you ask someone, “How’s it going?” and they say, “Can’t complain.” Remember, they’re right!

This article is part of our ongoing Achievement Nudge series—short, witty, and often inspirational articles to spark your personal and professional growth. Explore more nudges on our blog, or sign up for our weekly Nudge and News email. Each edition includes an Achievement Nudge plus leadership, professional development, and personal growth videos and articles to keep you inspired and on track.