Man in the Mirror (Achievement Nudge about Better Relationships)

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Last Updated on October 7, 2024 by Bill Truby

Don’t like the way the people around you act? I discovered a way to change them.

Achieve Better Relationships by Changing You

In the Bible, Solomon said, “He will have friends who shows himself friendly.” (Proverbs 18:24). A simple statement, but it’s an arrow straight to the heart of people who complain about everyone else. It’s telling them that THEY are the problem, not their “bad friends.” Translation: Want to have a great friend? BE a great friend! If you DON’T have great friends, well….

It applies to all other aspects of our life too. Want to have a wonderful, loving spouse? Be a wonderful, loving spouse. Want to have a great employee? Be a great employer. And so it goes for every relationship in your life.

But, let’s look at the dark side of this little equation. If you DON’T have a good friend…. A person says, “It CAN’T be ME! They’re the ones who act badly!” Not so fast. It’s been shown; if you have people in your life that act out in ways you don’t like, it’s probably YOU that allows, tolerates, and maybe even perpetuates their behavior. You might even be the cause it.

Joann finds this true all the time in her executive coaching. Though it is usually a blind spot, the problems team leaders have with their employees is often allowed, tolerated, perpetuated or caused by that leader/manager. (There are those four words again – “allow, tolerate, perpetuate and cause”).

The answer to “allowing or tolerating” negative behavior is to begin having clear communication and/or to set boundaries. The answer to “perpetuating or causing” unwanted behavior is an honest evaluation of YOUR behavior (which often has to be done by someone else, since we can’t see our own blind spots). In any case, notice who is doing the changing?

Here’s the deal. Want to change those around you? Change YOU. Through open communication, setting boundaries or making changes that come from self-evaluation, you will change those around you…or help them move on down the road. Life is a dance with others. YOU change your step, and they have to change theirs. It can’t be otherwise.

It looks like Michael Jackson had it right in his song, “Man in the Mirror.” His way of writing this Nudge was in the lyrics: “I’m starting with the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer, if you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change!”

Those who don’t do this, and keep complaining about everyone else around them, are doing his “Moon Walk.” It looks like they’re going forward, but they’re not. They’re really going backward.

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