Let me tell you what I learned about “valuing” SELF. It started by comparing calves on the farm with a Hollywood beauty pageant.

When I was very young, my cousins, brothers, and I would take calves from our farm in Ferndale, California, to the county fair to show them. We’d “pretty ‘em up,” as my uncle would say, and get them ready to walk around a ring for judges to decide who would get the blue ribbon.

I’ll never forget coming into the house one day after taking care of the calves in the barn. Mom was watching a Miss America Pageant. I saw a bunch of women who had been “prettied up” walking around for judges to decide who would get the winning ribbon. Even at my young age, I wondered about this. Was this right? Was it even fair? – for calves OR for women? Who are these judges that can hand out a valuation like this? What criteria do they use; can they use?

Later in life, during my Master’s Program, the subject of how we value ourselves came up. I remembered the calves and the pageant and started asking the same questions I did as a young boy. During the next number of years, I began to formulate some thoughts and conclusions as I found some answers. I’ll tell you what I discovered.

There are two types of criteria we use to value (or evaluate) most everything: “performance-based” criteria and  “existence-based” criteria. I also learned that it’s a real problem when we mix them up and use the wrong criteria. What is the difference between the two? Let’s look at performance-based criteria first. We are intimately acquainted with that one.

How do you know whether an apple tree is a good apple tree or not? You can tell by the fruit. If it produces good apples, it’s a good tree. It doesn’t matter how the tree looks, how big it is, or even its location. Good apples? It’s a good tree.

Likewise, you cannot tell how good a bakery is by looking at its equipment. You have to taste the bread. You cannot tell how much a weightlifter can lift by looking at his muscles. He has to lift the weight. This is a valuation from “performance-based” criteria. Lift more weight, you are a better weight lifter.

“Existence-based” criteria are different. Let’s imagine you’re in the middle of the ocean. A lifeboat would be nice, right? If one comes along, are you going to determine its “value” based on its color, its length, or how it performs? No! Its value rests in the fact that it exists.

Think about the air you breathe – sure, you could focus on whether or not it is good quality air, but the “value” is in whether it exists or not. Can you breathe? What about life itself? You can have a different quality of life, a different length of life, a different type of life – but life itself? Its value is in whether it exists or not. What you do with it comes after.

That’s the difference between the two. A performance-based criterion is about how something performs. An existence-based criterion is based on whether or not something IS.

Most of us have learned to use performance-based criteria to value our SELF, but this is just wrong. Doing this is like valuing the lifeboat based on how it looks or what it can do. Its existence is the criterion, not its performance. You can use performance-based criteria to evaluate how well you DO something, but it is not to be used to determine your value as a human BEING. You are valuable because you ARE, not because of what you DO.

How do you use existence-based criteria to value yourself? Simply…and I mean SIMPLY…do this: Look in the mirror, pinch yourself…have someone else pinch you. If you can see yourself or feel the pinch, then you are valuable – valuable because you ARE; valuable because you exist. THAT is existence-based criteria.

Now…if you are one who INSISTS on using performance-based criteria to judge the value of YOU, give me a call. I’ll try to remember everything we did to the calves. I think it started with a bath, then moved to grooming the hide. Surely THAT will “pretty you up” as you prepare for those judges!

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This article is part of our ongoing Achievement Nudge series—short, witty, and often inspirational articles to spark your personal and professional growth. Explore more nudges on our blog, or sign up for our weekly Nudge and News email. Each edition includes an Achievement Nudge plus leadership, professional development, and personal growth videos and articles to keep you inspired and on track.